I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
