Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
this just has baby written all over it
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
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