I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
