I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
