i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
