I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
