I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
