Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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