I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
