I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Welp...herpes.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
