1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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