Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
