Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
