matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
so that wasnt chicken after all
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
