So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Dick very happy bro
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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