even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
