Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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