do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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