this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
