I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
