just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
