handjob tips. give me some.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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