If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
