Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
