Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
