Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
