My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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