you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
