Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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