I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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