just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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