hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
