You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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