New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
