as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
