Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
