your room smells of hookers.
And success
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
