also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
