my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
