Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
