Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
