So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
