your parents love me but you hate me
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
