omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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