I could have mohawked her pubes.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
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