They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
