Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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