the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize