You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
