P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
