I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
