so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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