There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
