the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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