if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
