I just pynch a tree in the face
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
