Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize