dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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