I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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