pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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