you guys were way drunker than both of me
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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