He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I forgot wine drunk hurts
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
