The best revenge is premature balding
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Panties = found
Randomize
