I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
