I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So much rum. So many feels.
Someone came in the potted fern
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
