you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
