literally had 100 drinks last night.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
