he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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