I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hippo gnu deer
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
