I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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