first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
