i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
