Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize