I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize