Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
