So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
