i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
