I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
