i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
