Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
