Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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