i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
