you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
