addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
