well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize