you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
