A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
