This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
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