I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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